From the Very Dry Sense of Humor Department

November 20th, 2008 12:11 pm | by John Jansen |

Subject: *SOMALI PIRATES APPLY TO BECOME BANK TO ACCESS TARP   
                                                               
*SOMALI PIRATES APPLY TO BECOME BANK TO ACCESS TARP             
*PAULSON: TARP PIRATE EQUITY IS AN `INVESTMENT,’ WILL PAY OFF   
*KASHKARI SAYS `SOMALI PIRATES ARE ‘FUNDAMENTALLY SOUND’ ‘     
*Moody’s upgrade Somali Pirates to AAA                         
*HUD SAYS SOMALI DHOW FORECLOSURE PROGRAM HAD `VERY LOW’       
PARTIC PATION                                                 
*SOMALI PIRATES IN DISCUSSION TO ACQUIRE CITIBANK               
*FED OFFICIALS: AGGRESSIVE EASING WOULD CUT SOMALI PIRATE RISK 
*FED                                                           
AGREED OCT. 29 TO TAKE `WHATEVER STEPS’ NEEDED FOR SOMALI       
PIRATES

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  1. 12 Responses to “From the Very Dry Sense of Humor Department”

  2. By Mikael on Nov 20, 2008 | Reply

    And on that note let me add the follwoing:

    Pirates vs Private Equity – a Comparison:

    http://blogs.wsj.com/deals/2008/11/19/piracy-v-private-equity-a-comparison/

  3. By Jens on Nov 20, 2008 | Reply

    Excellent!

  4. By Dr.Dan on Nov 20, 2008 | Reply

    COMPENSATION FOR TOP SOMALI PIRATES CANNOT BE SLASHED OR TARP NOT EFFECTIVE, PAULSON SAYS

    WARREN BUFFET : BUY SOMALI PIRATES, I BOUGHT YESTERDAY.
    BECKY, WHERE ARE YOU ?

    SOMALI PIRATES UNION (SPU) THREATENS TO BEGIN BUILDING AUTOMOBILES UNLESS TARP FUNDS RELEASED IMMEDIATELY.

    TREASURY SHOULD HELP SOMALI PIRATES WHO LOSE THEIR BOATS: BARNEY FRANK

    FOX: SOMALI PIRATES FORCED TO DOWNSIZE TO WEATHER ‘ECONOMIC STORM’; 100 SWASHBUCKLERS ‘WALK THE PLANK’

    CONGRESSIONAL REPUBLICANS DEMAND THAT PREVIOUSLY AUTHORIZED EFFICIENT WEAPONS LOAN BE MODIFIED. REFUSE TO APPROVE MODIFICATION OF TARP TO PROVIDE SOMALI PIRATES WITH AN ADDITIONAL $25 BILLION.

    EESA SEC. 503. EXEMPTION FROM EXCISE TAX FOR CERTAIN WOODEN ARROWS DESIGNED FOR USE BY SOMALI PIRATES.

    SOMALI PIRATES HIJACK FED, TREASURY
    $700B RANSOM DEMANDED FOR BERNANKE, PAULSON
    DOW SOARS 30%; RON PAUL: “A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.”

    SOMALI PIRATE LEADER OFFERS TO RESIGN

    SOMALI PIRATES AIMS MERGER WITH GOLDMAN SACHS TO BECOME “TOO BIG TO JAIL”

    SOMALI PIRATES TO USE SWAG, PIECES O’ EIGHT AS COLLATERAL IN FEDS LENDING FACILITY

    PORK SEC. 317. SEVEN-YEAR COST RECOVERY PERIOD FOR SOMALI MOTORSPORTS RACING TRACK FACILITY

    SOMALI PIRATE LEADER SAYS PIRATING AN ‘ESSENTIAL PART OF THE GLOBAL ECONOMY FOR 500 YEARS’; SAILS TO D.C. IN PRIVATE YACHT TO BEG FOR BAILOUT

    SOMALI PIRATES MUTINY OVER DECISION TO INVEST GOLD BARS IN LAS VEGAS CONDO HOTELS.

    RANSOM MARKET IS OVERSOLD, SAYS SOMALI BLOGGER

    SOMALI PIRATES VISITING DC SHOULD GET BAILOUT: SEN REID

    SOMALI & PIRATES 500 INDEX IS LOSING ITS HEAD AND SHOULDERS

    — CR READERS

  5. By Ted on Nov 20, 2008 | Reply

    *BUSH WISHS HE THOUGHT OF PIRACY BEFORE GOING TO WAR IN IRAQ

  6. By Steve on Nov 20, 2008 | Reply

    With the current price of a drum of oil Pirates are demanding too much ransom. Their ransom deflator must be adjusted downward and soon.

  7. By Torp on Nov 20, 2008 | Reply

    lol…no wonder the pirates are demanding quick payment.

    Oil is falling faster than I can type…and by the time this carnage is over the demanded ransom will probably be enough to build a whole new tanker.

  8. By Graham Lester on Nov 21, 2008 | Reply

    Lou Dobbs Exclusive: Somali Pirates *Already* Own Citibank

    Somali Pirate Offshore Hedge Fund Hires Senator Phil Gramm

    Ralph Nader Declares Somali Pirate Ships Environmentally Sound But Structurally Unsafe

    Dr. Ron Paul Lauds Somali Pirates’ Return to the Gold Standard

    President George Bush: “I’m as Good a Pilot as any Somalimalian”

    “Barack Obama’s Other Half Brother Is a Somali Pirate” Claims Palin

    Gotcha Interview: Katie Couric Reveals Somali Pirates Woefully Ignorant of Supreme Court History

  9. By Mikey on Nov 27, 2008 | Reply

    I’ve taken the bailout money from my Wall Street job and am buying a pirate ship.
    …got my Somali Pirate t-shirt on ebay….talked them down from the 18 bucks they wanted. Mikey <— true pirate material

  10. By Jack Sparrow on Dec 2, 2008 | Reply

    These headlines shiver me timbers, matey! Harrr!

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